(originally posted on my personal Tumblr, May 4th, 2011)
So I’ve been thinking all day about writing my thoughts about this article (yes, the one from The Village Voice in which we all learn about skinny guys who like fat women and the women who love them back, but mostly we hear from the men).
I am torn about this article, as I think many people are. I am fat, by the standards of most people, and of course, by the ridiculous standards of the BMI chart. I am 5’3” and 195lbs. For visual reference, I’m a size 16. What I don’t talk about very often, and something most people will never understand (and I don’t expect them to), is that I love my body.
I don’t feel I quite fit in (no pun intended) with the body acceptance community, because I do way more than just “accept” my body. I completely and wholeheartedly embrace it, promote it, revel in it. I have never “struggled” with my weight, I’ve never had an eating disorder, I’ve never seriously tried to lose weight, though I have intentionally gained (gasp!).
It is kind of like those stupid tshirts/bumper stickers that say “I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.” That’s pretty much my attitude about being fat. I’m the very definition of hedonistic. I seek out pleasure, and fat is pleasurable to me. I used to call myself a gainer/feedee (for those that recognize the terms), but I think those are ugly words that imply some sort of coercion. I fell into this on my own, no one had to “introduce” me to feederism/FAs etc., it was already naturally manifested in me. It is a natural, sexual desire. It’s not exactly a fetish, perhaps a paraphilia. I stumbled quite happily into the “communities” on my own. I didn’t have a boyfriend who liked my body….quite the opposite at the time (a boyfriend who was utterly flabbergasted that I had no problem with my weight). I met my fiance in that “community” (I keep putting it in quotes because it is a very loosely knit community, if you know anything about it). He never had to convince me that I was attractive. I knew it from the beginning. He had to convince ME that he was good enough for my time, good enough for me to leave my old boyfriend, good enough to have a long distance relationship with (he did, a million times over lol). I was far from a desperate, sad ‘fatty’ in need of convincing or coercing.
So, I guess that is my somewhat unique point of contention with the article, that the men interviewed portray all of the women in this “community” as lovelorn, with poor body images (“Try convincing an archetypal “easy” fat girl to do it with the light on, or let you play with her belly, or refer to her as “fat” without sobbing and trying to throw up the nice dinner you bought her.”), UNTIL they find that one special fat-lover that shows them that they *are* lovable and attractive.
Some of us never had those hang-ups in the first place, and actively sought out a place where other people felt the same way. I know I am not the only one! That said, I don’t want to invalidate the experiences of others. The observations and stories in this article are just as valid as the one I just told you. Just another little example of “not all X are like Y.”
appetence 